IGNORING THE SHOULDER RUB: Why I don't do pity SEX
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| By Arielle Loren |
We’ve all been there. It’s 5am in the morning; your partner comes out of a dream horny, and slowly slides their hands to your shoulder to gently wake you from your deep slumber. As you’re pulled from your beautiful dream vacation in Tahiti, you realize that no, you’re not being woken up for an emergency, instead your partner is slowly beginning to kiss your neck in hopes of making you aroused. You glance over at the alarm clock. It’s hours before you have to be at work.
Really? Did you REALLY just pull me out of my sleeping glory just so you can get some?
I choose the latter. I almost always ignore the shoulder rub or tell my partner to chill out.
I’m not the best morning person. It typically takes me a minute to get my mind right when I wake up and if you say anything to me in the first 20 minutes after waking, I likely won’t remember. When it comes to sex, I’m all or nothing. Either I’m fully present and ready to make your toes curl or I’m asking you to get off me because I’m not in the mood. I love sex as much as the next person, but I truly believe in honoring my body’s needs and not forcing my vagina to do anything it doesn’t want to.
But there are those that beg to differ, those who grant their partner that early morning quickie while silently hoping that they’d finish as soon as possible. I get it. In particular, when dealing with a male partner, most wake up with hard-ons. But there’s no point in entering sex tired and irritated just because your partner would prefer to stroke instead of releasing on his own.
I’ve had this conversation with my girlfriends, and most are tired of getting that early morning shoulder rub.
“Without fail, it always happens. We have sex the evening before, go to sleep exhausted and peaceful. And then he wakes me up at 5am,” said one of my home girls. She wasn’t even talking about the same dude either. It seems to be a recurring pattern with most of her male partners.
So I asked her if she gave him some after he woke her up. She replied yeah with a bit of agitation in her voice. I told her that the opposite of that word would save her a lot of grief and sleep. What’s so hard about telling your partner no when you’re not in the mood?
I recognize that there are two (or more) people to please in a sexual relationship, but with the right communication and conversations, I’m sure that the parties involved can express what times are not best for sex. After all, it’s important that sexual partners be on the same page when it comes to pleasure. Sex is supposed to reduce stress and cater to our desires, not become aggravating.
Do you grant your partner pity sex? Or are you always in the mood? Speak on it!
Not having a voice in a relationship is far more detrimental to one’s well being than being able to communicate one’s likes and dislikes IMO.