Saturday, February 18, 2012

The Gucci $14,000 Bicycle: Combining two forms of d-baggery at once

Most people who ride a bike to work are normal human beings. OK, they’re a bit more fit than the rest of us: they ride a bike to work. But they don’t think it makes them magical or perfect. In fact, if you’re being killed on gas, look into bike commuting: it saves you a ton of cash.
Then there are the douchebags who block traffic to make a ‘political’ point (the point being that they’re douchebags) and scream about cyclist rights, as if they’re an oppressed minority instead of a white guy who wants to feel holier than somebody, anybody. If you’ve never met one of these annoying trolls, here’s a clip from Portlandia that perfectly sums them up.
And now we get to combine that obnoxiousness with the obnoxiousness of conspicuous consumption: Gucci’s made a bicycle!
If we sound vaguely contemptuous of the whole idea, it’s for two reasons: one, it’s inherently a rip-off because it’s got Gucci’s badge slapped on it, and two, it’s actually a pretty crappy bike for the price. That price? $14,000.
To give you an idea of how ridiculous that is, a decent bike for commuting with helmet and other necessary accessories will run you about a thousand bucks. A thousand bucks will buy you the obligatory matching helmet for this bike. Not even top of the line racing bikes, specifically engineered to win the Tour de France, cost $14,000.
Probably the worst thing about this is the design. It’d be one thing if it at least looked cool, but it doesn’t. Not even the Gucci nameplate will keep you from looking like a total dork on this bike.
In other words, it is a bicycle that will bring together people who have far too much money with people who desperately want to be oppressed because they think black people and gays get all the fun of being hated by society. It’s a perfect douche-storm in one product. Good work, Gucci!

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